please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
