every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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