Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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