Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
