i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
