dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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