woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So. Much. Porn.
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