508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
