We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
