you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want nice things and good sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
