It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
