He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
