im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize