singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
