that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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