Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
