it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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