she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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