It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
