can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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