so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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