my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
send nudes
from the living room?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
