it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
