just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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