It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When are your genitals available?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
