Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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