Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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