I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
