The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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