Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
