I just saw a hot homeless man
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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