i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
