maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
