just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
