these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
