Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
