I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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