I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
