i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
