the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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