so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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