my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
PANTIES FOUND
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
