guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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