hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
