Porn is love you can see.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
