saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Mom said you looked used
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
