did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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