I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize