why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
