whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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