i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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