His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
