you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
