You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
