Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this will be a night to untag.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
