I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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