I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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