Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
