I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
