Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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