Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
