i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
