Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
