I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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