he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
that may or may not have been my penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
