she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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