New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
