I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
