whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
