Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
