dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
