he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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