if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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