I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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