My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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