I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
