so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
