i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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