did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
They have beer where we have blood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
