I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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