I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
