I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
