I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
