the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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