I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
