i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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