So drunk its hurt
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
