idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
