the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
