My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
