i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
