god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it hurts more in the daytime
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
