Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize