I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
only you would photoshop your dick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
