I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
