she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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