Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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