Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
