I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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