omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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