now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
