Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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