I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You left your phone here
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