you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
