i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
